Random thoughts: Depression (true story)

Four years ago I fell into a vast crevice of depression. The reasons why, are not important to this little story. Although they are important to me.

I always had these rainy day blues, but didn’t know it was depression, until a couple of years ago. There would be two or three days, where I would completely shut down and do nothing. Typically, only people who are depressed or have battled this affliction can understand with any degree of compassion how it feels.

I had a plan. I was going to the corner of the woods sit down and pull the trigger. I didn’t, because of my sons and my sister.

My brother committed suicide in 1985, so if I did the same, it would have devastated my sister. She saved my life and doesn’t even know it.

It’s not a physical pain. It’s not like a head ache or back ache. There was not one particular reason, I just didn’t want to BE anymore and I wanted the pain to stop.

I lived on a farm with no one around, but still peaked out the window. If someone knocked on the door it scared me to the point I would hide. I did not want to answer the phone, door or window.

It has taken a lot of work with one therapist and she has become very important to me.

Depression is not to be taken lightly.