Random thoughts: Depression (true story)

Random thoughts: Depression (true story)

 

Four years ago I fell into a vast crevice of depression. The reasons why, are not important to this little story. Although they are important to me.

 

I always had these rainy day blues, but didn’t know it was depression, until a couple of years ago. There would be two or three days, where I would completely shut down and do nothing. Typically, only people who are depressed or have battled this affliction can understand with any degree of compassion how it feels.

 

I had a plan. I was going to the corner of the woods sit down and pull the trigger. I didn’t, because of my sons and my sister.

 

My brother committed suicide in 1985, so if I did the same, it would have devastated my sister. She saved my life and doesn’t even know it.

 

It’s not a physical pain. It’s not like a head ache or back ache. There was not one particular reason, I just didn’t want to BE anymore and I wanted the pain to stop.

 

I lived on a farm with no one around, but still peaked out the window. If someone knocked on the door it scared me to the point I would hide. I did not want to answer the phone, door or window.

 

It has taken a lot of work with one therapist and she has become very important to me.

 

Depression is not to be taken lightly.

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9 thoughts on “Random thoughts: Depression (true story)

  1. I am so glad that you didn’t pull the trigger. You have the courage to fight and your love for your sister and sons is precious. I am glad you chose them over the other side. Stay Blessed and I am sure your therapist must be a great person too!

    Liked by 1 person

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