Random thoughts: Psyche, part three
In part one, I wrote about the different deaths of my immediate family. In part two, I told you about my inability to get back on the diet and how disheartening that has been. The combination of part one and two promptly led to depression.
Part three: Depression
Over the years, I have fallen prey to what I used to call, “A funk.” These funks weren’t often and they didn’t last long, but looking back on it, they were a major part of my life.
Sometimes, when friends would ask me to join them, I would decline saying, “I’m in a funk.” Or I would makes excuses of why I couldn’t hang with them. Maybe these cop-outs were because I didn’t understand what was happening in my life, concerning depression.
During these funks, I would be paralyzed with fear and immobilized behind closed and locked doors. If there was a knock at the door, I would peek out of the tightly drawn curtains in fear of having to talk to someone. I would have no reason to hide, but I would bury my head in the sand anyway.
At times, my best friend Raymond, would be the only person I would let in. When I say let in; I’m not talking about, letting him in the door. I mean letting him into my crippled state of mind. It never registered all these years, that I falling prey to depression.
Several years back, I had four unrelated issues hit me all at once. One or even two at the same time would have been tolerable, but I wasn’t able to deal with all of them on my own. So I sought professional help and it’s a good thing I did, because my thoughts weren’t drifting to self preservation.
With the latest Thanksgiving holiday and the diet failure it was a forgone conclusion that depression would soon set in and it did.
This is not a call for help, but it has helped tremendously to write about it.